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Excerpt from In Search of Harmony
A book by Lori A. Parker, GCFP, SEP, Ph.D.
This excerpt is from Chapter 24: Fundamental Answers to Perennial Questions
"How do you behave when you are afraid to let go of what you think you know or when you are afraid to let go of a perspective or a belief? How do you behave when you are afraid of not being right -- or of feeling inadequate or powerless? How do you behave when you feel the need to control a situation or the other person? Do you know how you behave under these circumstances?
Perhaps not. But if you did you would suddenly find it much easier to make harmony with that difficult person. You would suddenly find it much easier to interact harmoniously with that person who appears (to you) to be a 'know-it-all.' You would suddenly find it much easier to interact harmoniously with that person who holds an opinion diametrically opposed to your own.
You would find it much easier, because 'in the moment,' you would recognize that the other person is a part of you and you are a part of them -- that they too, are afraid -- of letting go of their perspective, of admitting that they may be wrong, of feeling inadequate or powerless. They too fear the unknown and thus feel the need to control the outcome. They too feel the need to protect their ego construct -- the image they have of themselves and of the image that others have of them. To fight with them is to fight with yourself. To avoid them is to avoid yourself. To form a prejudicial view of them is to form a prejudicial view of yourself.
How would you want to be treated if you were afraid? How would you want to be treated if you were feeling powerless or inadequate? How would you want to be treated if you couldn't seem to muster the courage to let go of a belief or a perspective -- even one that you sense no longer serves you? Would you want to be judged by the other person? Would you want them to form a negative and prejudicial view of you? Would you want the other person to avoid you?"