• Awareness of the quality of the breath (deep/shallow; slow/rapid; flowing/staccato; effortless/forced; free/restricted)
• Awareness of how the breath changes from moment to moment in response to our environment (internal and external).

Gaining awareness of the breath helps you to become aware of internal states and internal state changes that you otherwise might not be aware of. For example, if you are feeling something that you are not aware that you are feeling (yes, that IS possible), your breath will change. By noticing the change in your breath, you might be alerted to the feeling that you were not present to. And, as Dr. Diana Fosha points out in her book, The Transforming Power of Affect: “Knowing the full extent of our feelings empowers us to take effective action on our own behalf.”

Gaining awareness of the breath helps to move energy. And as we know from the eastern health traditions, “stuck energy” is the cause of most psycho-emotional and physical disease (i.e., a lack of ease physically or psycho-emotionally).

Gaining awareness of one’s breath can also help with “oxygen debt”. Oxygen is extremely important for the function of our brains, nervous systems, and all internal organs. It also purifies the blood stream. “Oxygen debt” (i.e., oxygen deprivation) has been implicated in both chronic fatigue conditions and chronic pain.

Feelings, as defined in the Embodied Mindfulness Method, consist of anything that can be felt in the body. This includes:

• Sensations: e.g., buzzy, burning, electric, fluid, heavy, paralyzed. quivering, shaky, spacious, loose, light, tense, tingly, trembly, bubbly, warm, twitchy, etc.
• Basic Emotions: Emotions, as defined in the Embodied Mindfulness Method, are feelings that are encoded in the facial muscles and thus expressed through the face. According to Paul Eckman (expert on human expression and the physiology of emotion), these “basic emotions” are not culturally determined, but rather, universal across human cultures and thus biological in origin. This means that sadness on the face of a Japanese person will likely be recognized as sadness by someone from another country. These “basic emotions,” according to Paul Eckman are: sad, angry, happy, fearful, disgusted and surprised.
• Other Feeling States: There are other “feeling states” experienced in the body but, unlike emotions, they are not encoded in the facial muscles. Examples of “other feelings states” might include: encouraged, hopeful, optimistic, appreciative, carefree, strong, uneasy, disappointed, bored, bewildered, downhearted, strong, powerful, rebellious, relieved, touched, etc.

The “Felt Sense” is a term coined by Eugene Gendlin. It refers to a bodily awareness of a situation, person, or event. This “bodily sense of things” encompasses everything you feel and know about the given subject at a given time. This “bodily sense” communicates this information to you all at once rather than detail by detail. In other words, the felt sense comprises everything that informs your internal experience.

The less excessive tension we carry in our bodies, the healthier we will be. NTPs are a critical component in most of what ails us physically (including, but not limited to, chronic pain). NTPs can also be responsible for keeping us locked into a pattern of psycho-emotional distress.

• The earliest interaction of the child with the external world is entirely physical. To state this another way, our muscular and postural patterns were formed at a time when we were wholly dependent on another for our survival. The earliest emotional experiences become, therefore, associated or linked with muscular and postural patterns. As a result, our emotions are reinstated when there is sufficient resemblance between the present body state and the original one.
   
  This would seem to be reason enough to dismantle our NTPs. NTPs keep us locked into infantile emotional patterns that no longer serve us as mature adults. In fact, these infantile emotional patterns invariably have ill-effects on our adult relationships and they often keep us locked in relationships that are familiar in some way, yet wholly unsatisfying.
  • It is difficult to feel open, lighthearted, joyful and carefree when our bodies are filled with NTPs that keep us locked into states of anxiety, depression, anger, etc.
  • It is difficult to feel powerful and capable (rather than powerless and incapable) when our bodies are filled with NTPs that keep us locked into a collapsed posture of helplessness and/or shame.
  • It is difficult to behave or express ourselves spontaneously (rather than compulsively) when our bodies are full of NTPs. NTPs, by their very nature, inhibit spontaneity.
• NTPs are a critical factor in the inner conflict that everyone suffers from (it is only a matter of degree). And inner conflict is, in my mind, one of the primary reasons we feel “stuck” in some way – unable to grow and move forward in our lives. For example: What is at the heart of the tendency to procrastinate? The likelihood of it being internal conflict is very high.
• NTPs are also one of the primary factors underlying most physical ailments (including chronic pain, but not limited to chronic pain). Whether you have strained a knee or shoulder, have some chronic pain issue in a certain part of the body, or experience visceral distress (organ-related symptoms), awareness of NTPs will be a fundamental aspect of your healing process. You might be able to heal “acute” injuries without such awareness, but it is quite likely that, if you don’t become aware of NTPs, you will likely injure yourself again and again, develop a worse condition that may require surgery, or have some other symptom of ill-health emerge.

• Defensive (e.g., the impulse to fight, to flee, or to freeze). Sometimes these defensive responses get “stuck” in our body-mind system, and we will habitually resort to them when stressed (whether we need to or not). So it is important to become aware of them because these “stuck” impulses can be responsible for an imbalance in our autonomic nervous system. Imbalance in our autonomic nervous system can lead to a variety of stress-related conditions. (Experts are now estimating that 75% -90% of all doctor’s office visits are for stress-related ailments.) Furthermore, these “stuck defensive impulses” are quite often the source of chronic pain in a particular area of the body that has no organic cause.
• Expressive (e.g., the impulse to dance, to sing, to connect with another, to hug someone, to kiss someone, to comfort someone, etc.). Expressions of any kind, when stuck in our system, lead to excessive tension. That is what tension is: suspended action. Excessive tension, as I mentioned above, is a critical component in most of what ails us physically and also what keeps us locked into a pattern of psycho-emotional distress.

I am referring here to the physiological response. The fight and flight responses, for example, lead to certain neuromuscular tension patterns. These responses also set in motion certain physiological processes (e.g., pupils dilate, heartbeat accelerates, bronchi dilate, digestive processes are inhibited, there is a secretion of adrenaline, etc.).

When we become aware of these more subtle processes, we can use them as “early warning signs” that we are currently feeling stressed. You would think that we would know when we are feeling stressed; but that is not true. As Neuroscientist Dr. Antonio Damasio states in The Feeling of What Happens: “There is no evidence that we are conscious of all of our feelings, and much to suggest that we are not.” That includes feeling “stressed”. When we can become aware, early on, (by detecting these “early warning signs”) that we are feeling stressed, we can learn to settle our physiology before we feel overwhelmed and unable to cope.

• When stressed, for example, you may habitually become angry and “act out” in some way (pick a fight, become confrontational or attacking of another, etc.).
• When stressed, fear might be your default emotion, and you may “act out” in some way. Usually this leads to a variety of avoidance behaviors. You may, for example, isolate yourself and/or avoid the person or situation that is stressing you.
• When stressed, your default emotion may be fear and you might freeze and/or dissociate. You may stop feeling altogether. You may “numb out”. This kind of shutting down can, in turn, lead to undesirable states like depression or lifelessness. This kind of shutting off from our experience can also lead to many undesirable physical conditions, such as chronic pain and chronic fatigue (to name just a few).

All of us develop adaptive styles (coping mechanisms) in the process of learning to survive in the physical world. These coping mechanisms most often develop around 5 central themes:

• Contact/Connection
• Need/Nurture
• Dependency/Trust
• Autonomy/Individuation
• Love/Sexuality

Usually one theme will emerge in our lives and in our behaviors in a prominent way. Others themes will emerge from time to time as well. But the prominent theme is usually the one that will wreak the most havoc in our lives. Most often these strategies have outworn their use. Nonetheless, we continue to use them (without awareness that we are doing so). These strategies, when we remain unaware of them, limit our freedom and choice, our spontaneous self-expression, our connection to ourselves, and our connection to others.

I am referring here to how we organize and understand sensory input. We can “perceive”, for example, that a person or situation is dangerous. Perceptions may, or may not, be fully accurate. And we may, or may not, be conscious of our perceptions. But we will act on them nonetheless. So it is important to become more conscious of our present moment perceptions.

States of mind are temporary, but last longer than a mood or an emotion. What Neuroscientist Dr. Antonio Damasio said about feelings in general can be applied also to states of mind: “There is no evidence that we are conscious of our present state of mind, and much to suggest that we are not.” Indeed. It is my observation that we can be equally unconscious of our feelings, emotions and our present state of mind.

It is a self-evident fact that there is nothing permanent about our thoughts, our perceptions, or our state of mind. For example, we can think a thought, obtain new information, and then discard that thought, and think another thought. We might be in a very uplifted state of mind in one moment, and then receive a distressing phone call or email, and suddenly find ourselves quite distressed. Nonetheless, many people behave “as if” their temporary state of mind is a permanent state of mind. Learning to be conscious, in the moment, of the impermanence of mind can be transformative in and of itself. And yet, in moments of distress, we seldom maintain awareness of this self-evident fact.

Again, it seems odd that we could have a thought, and not be aware of that we just had that thought. But, as it turns out, indeed we can! The classic example of this is self-judgment. Most people are wholly unaware of just how often they have thoughts of self-judgment throughout the day.

I was once working with a gentleman who was particularly prone to judging himself. When he would do it in session, I would, of course, draw his attention to the judgment. But I also suggested to him that he might want to track that throughout the week – how many times a day, he judges himself. He got the idea to get a little counter, which he kept in his pocket. Every time he would catch himself judging himself in some way, he would click the counter in his pocket. The next week, when he returned for his session, he told me that the first day, the counter was well over 100 at the end of the day! And yet, prior to that week, he had no idea that he had that many thoughts in the form of self-judgments (on a daily basis).

What if, throughout the day, every time you expressed something, someone was there to judge you? What if every time you made a decision, someone was there to judge you? What if every time you had an idea about something, someone was there to judge you? What if every time you had an emotional response to something, someone was there to judge you? What do you imagine you would feel like at the end of the day? Clearly it would behoove us to become more aware of such thoughts.

“Implicit phenomena” refer to any part of our present-moment experience that is cut off from our conscious awareness, but nonetheless serves to prompt our behaviors (usually our “unwanted behaviors”). Part of the EMM process is helping one to become aware of these implicit phenomena.

• Implicit meanings: Basically you make the behavior of another person “mean” something. The meaning that you make may or may not be accurate. But whether it is accurate or inaccurate, it is wholly unconscious. For example, on some unconscious level, you may believe that your friend behaved the way that they did because you are not worthy of their love or attention. In these cases, you do not have a conscious thought that you are unworthy of love and attention. But it is there, hovering, so to speak, somewhere in your consciousness. In these instances, there is a very good chance that this implicit meaning will contribute to your behavioral response.
   
• Implicit memories: You can have a memory from the past, but you have no way to know that it IS from the past because it is not encoded in the brain in the same way that explicit memory is encoded. Behaviorally though, you will still respond to the memory. You simply won’t understand WHY you responded as you did. Or you will likely attribute your response to the present moment situation – what another said or did, for example – and believe that they are the cause of your response. In fact, though, the cause of your response is the memory that you are not aware of.
   
• Implicit Beliefs: You believe something that you don’t even know you believe. You may, for example, deep down inside, believe that you are different than everyone else, and/or that you don’t belong. Or you may believe that you are fundamentally flawed, even though you never actually had either of those thoughts. Nonetheless, you behave “as if” you believed it. So, often times, we can deduce these implicit beliefs from observing our behaviors. You may notice for example that you behave “as if” you believed that you are fundamentally flawed. Or you behave “as if” you believed that you don’t belong. Again, implicit beliefs inform and often dictate our behaviors, even though we are unaware that we have the belief.
   
• Implicit Identities: You might “identify” with a role: “I am teacher.” “I am a Corporate Executive.” “I am a mother/father.” But these are identities that you are aware of. We also have “identities” that we are unaware of. “I am the person who ______________________.” You could fill in the blank with almost anything. But here are some examples:
   
  
  • “I am the person who doesn’t have any needs.” “I am person who always takes care of everyone else.”
     
  • “I am the person who everyone depends on. I do not depend on anyone else.”
     
  • “I am the person who everyone comes to for help. I don’t need the help of others.”
     
  • “I am the person who always gets taken advantage of.”
     
  • “I am the person who is always strong; others are weak.”
     
  • “I am the person who always gets rejected.”
     
  • “I am the person no one wants around.”
     
  • “I am the person who always gets blamed for everything.”

We all have these IBP’s. It is a matter of how much these patterns impact our life and our relationships. For some, these patterns lie at the heart of why their relationships are not working. For others, these patterns keep them out of relationship all together . . . or certainly out of intimate relationship. The reason for this is simple. The greater the intimacy, the more likely these patterns will emerge.

You might choose, for some explicit reason, to not be in an intimate relationship. But if you chose to be in an intimate relationship, and you are not, chances are that one or more of these IBP’s is at play. Similarly, if you are choosing to stay in a relationship that is familiar, but unsatisfactory, quite likely one of these IBP’s is at play. If you are in an intimate relationship, and despite your conscious intentions, you continue to behave in habitual ways that do not serve the relationship, chances are that one or more of these IBP’s are at play. Whichever is the case for you, quite likely you are unaware of the particular relational pattern.

How did you learn to manage relationally? How did you learn to stay safe AND be in relationship? I am not speaking of what you were told to do — not what you were explicitly taught — not the “social mores” — not the “mind your P’s & Q’s” kind of learning. Rather I am speaking of the implicit learning — that which we learned that we don’t know we learned. This implicit learning happened very early on — at a time when we were wholly dependent on another human being for our survival. Without awareness, we, as adults, will continue to respond in the same manner. We will do so even though it is no longer necessary to do so. We will do so, even though these strategies no longer serve us — personally or relationally.

But as we become aware of these themes — these strategies and styles of relating, we can begin to transform them into more mature responses that serve both ourselves and our relationships. Ultimately, this leads to:

• More freedom and choice in relationships.
   
• More spontaneous self-expression in relationship.
   
• Greater organic self-regulation in relationship.
   
• Greater ability to co-regulate in relationship.
   
• Greater emotional resilience in relationships.
  

Over-coupling is, in essence, a conditioned response. In over-coupling, parts of our experience are “stuck” together. For example, a Veteran of War hears a car backfire and he is immediately filled with terror and instinctually ducks for cover. In actuality, there is no real reason for the terror (a car backfiring is not life-threatening). And in actuality, there is no reason to duck (as there is nothing coming his way that could potentially harm him). Nonetheless, the Veteran habitually responds in this way, despite the fact that there is no need to do so. This is “over-coupling”.

We all have these kinds of “over-couplings”. Most often, we are not aware of them. Nonetheless, without awareness, and without dismantling the “over-coupled sequence”, much like the Veteran, we will continue to respond/behave in the habitual manner (even though it no longer serves us or those with whom we are in relationship).

Under-coupling is the opposite; there are missing pieces. We may, for example, be experiencing an emotion (but that emotion is cut off from our conscious awareness). A person may behave as if they are angry, but if you ask them if they are angry, they will say, “No.” They are not being dishonest; they honestly do not feel the anger. Again the statement from Neuroscientist Antonio Damasio is apropos here: “There is no evidence that we are conscious of all of our feelings, and much to suggest that we are not.” We can, however, in EMM sessions, become aware of these “split off” aspects of our present moment experience.

I am referring to processes like: Ebb & Flow; Expansion & Contraction; Movement, Flow, Change & Transformation; The Dynamic Interplay of Polar Opposites.